In Private
by sidlelove
Summary: If I have something to say to you, Catherine, I'm gonna say it in private." And Catherine finds out what Sara had to say. Oneshot. If femslash is not your thing, dont read.


**In Private**

_"If I have something to say to you, Catherine, I'm gonna say it in private."__ Catherine finds out what Sara wanted to say._

**Ok, i got really really bored and i had this idea in my head when i watched Redrum the other day. So i thought i'm just gonna write it down. The story is in Catherine's POV and is mostly her thoughts and stuff. But in the end, it is a Cath/Sara fic. It's written a little different from how i usually write my stories so I hope you all like it.  
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**Disclaimer: CSI characters are not mine, i'm just having some fun with them. They are of CBS and all those people...ENJOY & REVIEW pls**

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I stopped my car at the traffic light in front and ran a hand through my messed up blonde hair. I wiped my face, tired from the day I have had. It had been interesting, yet one of the most stressful days I have had in a while. I closed my eyes, letting the day's events run through my head, gripping on the steering wheel tightly.

_It's called reverse forensics. _The first time Keppler said it, he made it sound so easy and simple, but even then I could see the pile of crap we were stepping into. _You know, Catherine, if we do our job right and catch the bad guy, nobody's going to remember the rest._ His words did sound soothing but it never took the worry in my mind away.

_I'll remember_. I remembered stating softly. And I did remember it. Throughout the whole case that was all I could think of. I couldn't forget that I was lying to the people whom I trusted the most; people who trusted me with everything. Their questions and accusations, I didn't know it would be so hard to handle until I actually faced them.

_What's going on?_ Sara's question rang in my head when she saw the suspicious covering of the garage door. I could still see the curious questions filled in the brunette's eyes, all of them which I had to ignore with a smile and a lame excuse. I saw the brunette's beautiful face scrunch up with her frown when I gave her my excuse. I watched every expression of hers as she absorbed what I said and what she was seeing around her. Her deep browns squinted, her mouth slightly hanging open as she listened to me and I wasn't even slightly surprised when none of them went missed by me. My heart kept doing little flip flops while I stared into her eyes, trying very hard to talk to her firmly.

A sigh escaped my lips as I let the picture of Sara Sidle wash in front of my eyes. Her hair was let loose in lazy, messy curls which looked adorable on her. Her attire went well with her and the flush on her face looked so damn beautiful that it made me want to pull her into my arms and kiss her. But I couldn't do that now could I? I did forget to mention that I was dangerously attracted to Sara did I? Well now I have.

The car behind mine honked loudly, dragging me out of my thoughts. I saw that the light had turned green and shook my head at my absentmindedness. After cursing the driver under my breath, I drove my car off into the night. I turned the car around a corner to a quiet street, escaping from the busy streets of Las Vegas again. The day's events rushed back to my mind again, specific words just flashing in my head.

_I'm not used to faking it. _I smiled to myself remembering the thoughts running in my head when I said it to Keppler. I had that specific morning in my head, when I had been caught in the shower by my lover right before work, and gotten one of the best orgasms ever. _When was the last time you had to? _Keppler's playful words rang in my head. I guess he caught the hint in my words.

The guy wasn't the most cheerful person to hang out with, but he had a charismatic thing going on. And he was interesting to talk to, I always find it interesting to talk to a walking talking conundrum. But he had issues to work out, that much was very obvious. The most interesting thing about him to me was how much he resembled Sara, her personality. Though I'll admit, Sara wasn't as emotionless, lifeless or weird as Keppler and Keppler wasn't even nearly as attractive and hot as Sara. Although she also has a whole wall built around her protecting her from everyone in the whole world, just like Keppler. It was fascinating. And a part of me did tell me that of all the people in the team, Sara would be the one person who would actually understand the show we were going to put on.

_Showtime. _That single word that came out of Keppler's mouth scared the hell out of me. I wasn't sure of what we were doing, and I really didn't want to do it. But as McKeen put it, it wasn't my call. God I hate that man.

_I just connected Sara's vic to Simon. _My heart skipped a beat when the words escaped Nick's lips but warmth filled my heart with the mention of Sara as well.I adored Nick for his enthusiasm and dedication to his work. But he was becoming the snitch in our little plan and it made me very nervous. It was sad to see Nick's disappointed face when I ignored his findings and went ahead with what Keppler had planned. Working with Nick and Warrick alone as their supervisor for almost a year, I had quite a good and indescribable connection with the both of them. Especially Nick, who was like a little brother I always wanted yet never had. Slapping him on his face like that was like getting slapped on my face as well. But I didn't have a choice, I couldn't quit on what was planned with Keppler.

_We talked about the risk going in, it's not like we can quit now. _It pissed me off when Keppler said it. It was his idea not mine and I knew he was nowhere near quitting. _I'm not quitting but I don't like it. And I hate lying to my guys. _I knew I spat it on his face quite rudely but I didn't care at the moment. They were my family and sneaking around their back and lying to them wasn't something I'd do happily, ever. They day seemed to be going fine after that, but that was probably because I was out on the scene, completely oblivious of what was going on in the lab. I should have known that Nick wouldn't have put his suspicion aside and I was proven right when I saw him trying to find the Holstein case file.

_Is there a reason why you don't want me to see that file Catherine? _Nick's accusation hit me bad. I didn't want to say anything to hurt our relationship but I had to keep my cover. _Nick, as your supervisor I'm ordering you to back off. _I couldn't believe the words escaped my lips so harshly before I heard it myself. Nick looked like he was going to punch me or maybe strangle me. I saw his eye twitch with anger and I couldn't bear to look at him or hear anything from him forcing me to leave him staring at me.

From the look on his face, I knew he wasn't going to back off. A part of me wanted him to do something, and figure this all out and if I knew him and my guys, I knew they would. When we brought Simon into custody, I thought it was time to take a breath of relief but I was proven wrong.

_There's no way you will get a jury to believe this evidence wasn't fabricated. _Those words made the anger in me boil dangerously. It took a great deal for me to not to scream out loud and grab my hair like a maniac. I went behind my guys' back and for what? And the audacity of McKeen to ask who messed everything up when it was entirely his fault; if I wasn't good in controlling my anger the guy would have gotten a bloody nose for sure. In my heart I was hoping he got his sorry ass fired, but that might have been asking for a bit more. The worst part of all this was coming clean with the team. I didn't expect them to come on me so harsh, I will have to admit, it did hurt my feelings. But I guess I hurt them pretty bad too.

The looks on their faces when Keppler and I tried to explain what we did was haunting. The cold eyes, the disappointed looks and angry sighs were making me want to flush myself down the toilet. Through all that, I couldn't help but sneak looks at the woman sitting next to me, listening intently while she carelessly played with the pen in her hand. Her eyebrows were raised and a smirk played on her lips, which I couldn't understand. But I avoided eye contact with her while I talked.

_And your only option was to fabricate evidence and make me process it? _Warrick's words hit me like a shower of rocks. I had wasted so much of his time, doing something he didn't have to do at all.

_How could you think that we wouldn't figure it out? It's kind of what we do._ Greg sounded hurt, as if he felt like I doubted his and the rest of their capability.

_We trust you with our lives, Catherine. You could have trusted us with this._ Nick knew just what to say to make me feel as small as my thumb, probably even smaller than that.

I didn't have anything to say to either of them to express how guilty I was and how bad I felt at the moment. But within all that, I realized that someone had kept quiet. Making sure my voice didn't shake, I turned to the woman of my dreams. _Sara? _

_If I have something to say to you, Catherine, I'm gonna say it in private. _

The smile she had when she said it, and the mocking tone of her voice wouldn't leave my head. It took me a minute to gather myself back and address to the team, trying to get them to work with me again. I knew that no matter how mad they were at me or how badly they wanted to hurt me back, they wouldn't let a killer to walk free. And they didn't, MY team figured it out. I feel so proud saying that. They closed the case in mere hours. I wanted to rub it on Keppler's face on how things would have worked out even without his 'Reverse Forensics' if we just trusted on my guys.

That night, just as I was about to leave he asked me out to dinner, apparently as a thank you for trusting him and going along with him. And I agreed, the least I deserved was a free meal from him. But even at dinner, I couldn't concentrate on his words. Even though he was being so fascinating and interesting, I had just one thing in my mind. Sara's words. _I'm gonna say it in private. _ I wanted to know what she wanted to say to me. I guess we just have to be alone in the same room for that to happen.

Through all the thinking, I didn't even realize that I was finally in my street. I parked the car in front of my destination and rested my head on the headrest of the seat, taking a deep breath. I could only hope never to have a day like this in a near future. I killed the engine of the car, grabbed my bag and stepped out of the car, letting the cold air of the night rush over my skin. I only had a few hours to get some rest before the next shift started, and no matter how much it pissed me off, I knew it was going to be a good day.

I grabbed the keys to the door and stepped into the house, smelling the familiar scent of the place. Magazines were left messily on the coffee table and a cup of coffee and an empty beer bottle stood next to them. A suspicious box sat on the corner of the table with a set of keys, and I couldn't help but snatch a look at the addressing on the box while I threw my bag and jacket on the couch.

Amused by what I saw, I headed into the room taking off my boots on the way and leaving them untidily in the living room. A smile crept on my lips when I saw the still body on the bed, lying on their stomach with their bare back granted for my view. The blanket covered the lower body while the hair covered the face which always made me smile, no matter what.

I took off my clothes and climbed into bed in just my briefs, under the covers. But I didn't dare touch the body, I didn't want to ruin their sleep. I turned on my sides, away from them and let out a sigh, closing my eyes. Her smile appeared in front of my eyes, making me smile involuntarily. I flipped on my back again, turning my head to my partner in bed wondering whether it would be alright for me to talk. I turned my body towards the still body, lifted my hand to touch their back but stopped at mid air, deciding it wasn't a good idea.

"Do you want to say something Cath?" The voice startled me, making me jump back to my side.

"Um..no, go back to sleep," I stuttered and turned to face the other side, slapping my forehead slightly. Suddenly, a hand wrapped around my waist and a chin met my shoulders. I looked up to let my eyes meet with the beautiful eyes that I fall into so deeply with every ongoing minute. "Hey," I smiled hoarsely at my love.

"Hey," The answer came in a sigh, letting the breath tease with my skin sending chills up my spine. "How was dinner with Keppler?" The curiosity in the voice made me chuckle.

"It was fine," I sighed again. "Though, I couldn't concentrate on what he was talking about thought."

"Why not?" A finger ran down my sides, making my eyes close.

"You kept coming into my mind," I opened my eyes and locked my eyes with the browns again. A smile curved up the delicious lips, letting out a soft chuckle giving me a view of the trademark gap in between the front teeth of hers. Sara Sidle's laugh, I could never get tired of that.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to," She winked at me and flipped me on top my stomach. She was lying on her sides, her upper body resting on her elbows while she resting her head in her palms. I couldn't resist but letting my eyes gaze down her eyes to her body, enjoying the view of her beautiful body. Her finger raked up my stomach and under my chin, lifting my head up so that she could see my face. "I hope I didn't ruin your date."

I let out a smirk. "That wasn't a date," I flipped my hair in the air and grinned. "Plus, I have a beautiful girlfriend, why would I need to go on a date with anyone?" I bit my lips nervously.

"Well, let's hope Keppler got the message then," She let her fingers wander down my neck, softly teasing me. "Besides, what was I doing in your mind that you couldn't even concentrate on a single dinner?"

"I couldn't get your words out of my head," I answered, tilting my head to a side. Her face scrunched in thought before giving me a smile. I lifted my body slightly so that my lips were barely touching her ear. "If I had something to say to you Catherine, I would say it in **private**." I whispered her own words into her ears, letting my tongue slightly touch her earlobe. The hiss that escaped her lips was so satisfactory. "Is this private enough for you?" I let my body fall back onto the bed to see that her eyes were closed.

"I guess it is," She opened her eyes again and locked her eyes with mine. "What do you want to hear?" She raised her eyebrow with her little pout.

"Do you hate me for what I did?" I asked nervously, licking my dry lips.

"Hate you? No, never," Sara smiled. "But I can't say I wasn't disappointed. You could have trusted us with it, but part of me also understands why you did it. You didn't have a choice, plus it wasn't your idea anyway." She waved a hand in the air, brushing the thought away.

"So you aren't angry?" I raised an eyebrow at her. It wasn't like Sara to be not frustrated with something like this.

"I was angry, very disappointed too," She admitted, taking in a deep breath. "But I had a little chat with myself." She shrugged and when she saw the question mark on my forehead, she grinned and continued. "It wasn't your call to make Cath. And if you had told us about it and if Simon actually got evicted under that little plan, it wouldn't have been pretty in front of a jury. You did the good thing by not telling us." She ran a finger over my cheek, putting a strand of hair behind my ear. "I told Warrick today that I hate deceiving people and I hate being deceived too. Because in the end you will get what you give, no matter how much you try to cover your ass. Which is what happened with you guys, your little plan flopped didn't it?" Sara smiled, with a mixture of smugness and sympathy in her eyes. "Plus even in all this, everyone learnt a lesson didn't they?"

"And what lesson is that?" I admit I was curious with where she was going with it.

"It showed the Undersheriff AND Keppler that no matter what they try, they can achieve nothing without us underlings helping them big shots," She grinned proudly with a smirk. "Plus you guys also proved that no one can fool us CSIs, not even CSIs themselves." She chuckled, making me laugh out loud for the first time in hours.

"Smug aren't we," I licked my lips before placing a quick kiss on her delicious lips. But before I could pull away, she held the back of my head and sucked on my lips, forcing me to grant her access into my mouth. She let her tongue wonder in my mouth while I sucked on her lower lips, but eventually the need to breath became a necessity. She pulled away, placing another quick kiss on my lips making me smile.

"I wanted to do that badly when I saw you being ambushed by the team," Sara said in a sympathetic tone making my insides fill with warm. "I really hated seeing you that beat."

"Happens once in a while, no worries," I winked and let her get comfortable on top of me. "Oh, what's that box outside?" I asked, remembering it all of a sudden.

"Oh that," Sara scratched her head uneasily and a hint of red appeared on her cheeks. "Grissom sent me a cocoon." She grinned nervously.

"Awe, how sweet," I said in a playful manner, tilting my head to the sides. "He's still trying to win you back, how adorable is that?"

"Shut up," Sara blushed furiously. "Well whatever he does he has lost his chance now hasn't he? I'm with you."

"Hell yes you are," I ran my hands down my side, resting them on her sides. "And there is no way in hell I'm going to let him or anyone take you away from me."

"Hmmm...now how adorable is that?" She whispered on to my mouth before claiming them in hers, nibbling on my lower lips happily. "Do you want to know something else I really wanted to say to you in **private**?"

"Hmmm," All I could do was hum onto her lips while her hands roamed over my body, teasing my already hardened nipples.

"I love you Catherine," She mumbled onto my lips, running her lips over my upper lips. I smiled and opened my closed eyes, locking brown with blue.

"I love you too Sa…" I couldn't even finish my sentence before her lips crashed on mine.

The day started off badly, but it sure as hell is ending beautifully. In the arms of my love, the woman of my dreams..."Sara."

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**Thats it for now...let me know what you guys think, wont even take a minute ;)**

**thnx for readin **


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